Have I 42F been cheated out of a "normal" sex life by my husband 41M?

Throw away because I've got friends on here. I (42F) have been married to my husband (41M) for 22 years. I love the hell out of my husband and we have never stopped being sickeningly romantic with each other. He tells me I’m beautiful a million times a day and he’s caring, selfless, and kind. We have a good sex life, he always makes sure I’m fully satisfied and often can’t bring himself to orgasm until I do, which is great. But I’ve always felt that, although we have sex, we don’t make love. In the first few weeks of our marriage I tried to slow things down and look into his eyes, and I really enjoyed it but he said it was boring… That has stayed with me. About 8 years ago he revealed he has had a porn addiction since middle school and never told me. He struggled with it often (at least a few times a week) but I do believe he has stopped. I took a step back mentally and things started to click into place in my mind; I feel like our sex life has been ruined by what he thinks sex is supposed to be. When we were dating and started fooling around we were both virgins, but he seemed to know a lot about what he’s “supposed to do.” My naive teenage self always brushed it off. I caught him masturbating a few times over the years and he was super ashamed and remorseful. Now that I know about his addiction, I can’t stop wondering what he’s picturing when we’re intimate or what’s influencing his actions in the moment, wondering if he’s just in the moment to get off on whatever he’s imagining. Every time he’s in the bathroom for a while I wonder what he’s doing.

Now that we’re a little older he can’t get off or even stay hard if he’s not dirty-talking or if I’m not going down on him. He always asks me what I want when we’re in the heat of the moment and expects dirty talk, but I just want him close to me so I don’t know what to say. If I try to slow things down or say loving words instead of dirty talk, he goes soft and has to start masturbating to get going again. It makes me feel like shit. He’s decided he must have something medically wrong with him because he can’t keep it up sometimes and got a prescription for Viagra and every once in a while he’ll take one and it makes me feel even worse, like he needs it because I’m not enough. He says it’s “all for you” when I ask him why he feels he needs to take it, but I would rather never orgasm again and just be close to him.

I need advice on where to go from here, or if I'm just expecting something unattainable? My husband is amazing in every other aspect of our lives together but I feel cheated out of what I thought my sex life would be like. I also want to support him and make sure he's okay too.